What Makes A Successful Mentor?
- morganlchristopher
- May 5
- 3 min read
In my experience, my mentors have all shared one valuable characteristic, they listen well. It doesn’t matter what the topic is, when I’m talking to them I know they’re listening. Interestingly enough, all of them share a similar approach to our conversations. They don’t respond hurriedly. At first, I thought this was odd. Do they not understand what I’m saying? Do they think I’m an idiot? However, I soon realized that it was neither of those things. They were truly thinking about what they were going to say next. Not to the point of awkward silence, but with a sense of wisdom and true care for the conversation at hand. This quality has not been lost on me over the years. I have made it a personal goal to be someone who, when I speak, my words truly mean something. I know. I have a lot of work to do.
What qualities do you think make a successful mentor? A considerable amount of research outlines foundational characteristics, highlighting empathy as a major component.
Empathy /em·pa·thy/ noun
The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.
Empathy is about being a good listener, while also sharing experiences of success and failure; to imagine what someone else is feeling (How to Be a Mentor). In turn, this allows people to talk more openly (Ghosh and Reio, p. 107). This sounds simple, but it comes naturally to some more than others. On the other hand, empathy does not mean going along with whatever the person wants. Mentors must strike a balance of being encouraging while gently pushing their mentees to make good decisions. (Becoming a Better Mentor, p. 21). Once empathy is achieved, there is an emotional bond that forms, a bond built on trust (DuBois, p. 3).
There’s a specific model that highlights five personality traits that researchers agree are most effective for successful mentors. It’s called The Five Factor Model. The five traits are openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism (or emotional stability). Openness refers to the mentor’s level of curiosity. Conscientiousness refers to their effort to make plans and reliability to keep those plans. Extraversion refers to the ability to interact with others, displaying high energy. Agreeableness refers to the level of sensitivity toward others, specifically cooperation. Neuroticism, or emotional stability, refers to the level of confidence a mentor has that is free of anxiety or worry (Lundsford).
Oh, is that all it takes? Sounds easy enough, right? I’m sure with a lot of practice it can become second nature. However, do you think empathy can be learned or do you think it is more of an instinct? I think about raising children; teaching them compassion, consideration for others, the act of sharing. What if you were never taught these things as a child? Are you hopeless? I don’t think so. I think these qualities can be taught through life experience, intentional self reflection, and conversation with family and friends. Discipleship perhaps?
I would love to hear what personality traits you look for or value in your mentor relationships. Join me next month as we dig into the different types of mentor relationships.
If you have a topic you would like covered or have a question about a project you’re working on, drop me a line. I would love to chat!
Famous Mentors
DuBois, David L., and Michael J. Karcher. Handbook of Youth Mentoring. E-book ed., SAGE Publications, 2005.
“Empathy.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/empathy. Accessed 26 Apr. 2025.
Ghosh, Rajashi, and Thomas G. Reio. “Career Benefits Associated with Mentoring for Mentors: A Meta-Analysis.” Journal of Vocational
Behavior, vol. 83, no.1, 2013, pp. 106-116. https:// www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/ S0001879113001012. PDF download.
“How to be a Mentor.” Director, vol. 70, no. 1, 2016, pp. 88. ProQuest, https://www.proquest.com/docview/1822034261?sourcetype=Magazines. PDF download.
Lunsford, Laura Gail. The Mentor’s Guide: Five Steps to Build a Successful Mentoring Program. 2nd ed., Routledge, 2021.
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